I know I'm behind on my 30 topics in 30 days, but this morning a newscast sent me spiraling.  A few days ago an acting genius lost his battle with drug addiction.  Phillip Seymour Hoffman was an acting anomaly who was able to morph into many characters, but in reality he was fighting the battle of his life!  As we all well know, drug addiction can grip anyone and completely flip their lives upside down.  Addiction has no respecter of persons.  It grasps the lives of men, women, and children;  young and old, rich and poor. We all know someone that has fought with the struggle of addition, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, control, or a number of other addictions. 

    What sent me spiraling this morning is the response of the media to this one death.  Coverage has gone on for days now, and authorities have actually sought out and found the dealer.  This blew my mind!  For decades we have lost people to drug additions in rural and urban areas, and while I don't doubt there are some authorities working hard to clear the streets of drugs, I have NEVER seen a turnaround this quick.  It makes you wonder what is the difference between Phillip's death and the death of Mary down the street.  How is it that one of our own community members can struggle and die from addiction and never see a news special on "How to spot the warning signs " or "How to talk to your kids about drugs"?  The disparity in coverage of issues like this for celebrities and the "normal folks" is staggering. 

    To this disparity, I write to you this morning asking that you be aware of your neighbor, friend, co-worker, and family.  Take the time to really talk with them about life, and how they may be coping with issues.  Do NOT depend on the media or law enforcement to solely support our community.  I remember that a community raised me.  A community of family, family friends, church members, and teachers.  These adults came together to ensure that I was raised  in a safe and healthy environment.  They checked in on each other, and were there during some of life's my difficult moments.  I wonder what would happen if we took a moment from our self-absorbed lives and focused on helping each other grow and cope with the struggles of life, as well as took the time to celebrate the happy times in others lives.  Who knows, your kind word, concern, and care may be the difference between life and death for someone.  We have to begin to realize that all lives are valuable, no one more than the other.  We must fight for each life as diligently as the next!

How do you reach out to others in your community?  Are you a part of any organizations working to strengthen the members of their community?  Share those with us in the comments section!  Don't just live life, build a platform others can stand on and grow!



   

We are under the attack of Ice.  O_o  No seriously!  I have been securely in my house for four days due to ice shutting down the metroplex in which I reside.  Kids aren’t outside playing, business are closed, grocery stores have sold out of everything, and the trash man didn’t run.  (That was a pretty anticlimactic ending, huh?  No, you don't understand! Trash pick-up is HUGE… for my nose! LOL)

Anywhoo!  Today was supposed to be the make up trash day, and there was no way I was going to miss it on this good day!  I hit the button to open my garage door, and after a slight hesitation, it rises only for me to see 2 full inches of ice on my driveway.  OK, so now I have to create a strategy to get down the driveway.

And then it dawned on me!  My awesome friend posted a message on Facebook yesterday that taught you how to “penguin walk” on ice. Now upon first seeing it, I laughed as I read.  Little did I know that I would face a hill of ice this morning.  What the hay!  I tried it, AND IT WORKED!   As I traveled down the slope of my driveway I thought to myself, “all I had to do was change my posture and approach in this new situation, and the mission was accomplished!”

How many times have you come to a new situation scared to death and no clue of how to approach it?  We’ve all been there!  Many times all we need to do is seek out wise counsel from someone that’s either been there, or look at our surroundings to find out how it’s been handled before.  I NEVER would have thought to look at a penguin for suggestions on how to complete a daily chore, but I’ll be, they had the answer all along!  Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to look a little silly as you set out on your mission.  You were sent on that mission and towards that purpose with the tools around you or in you to complete it!  You’ve got this.  If you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up, come up with a new game plan, and do it again.  At the end of the day, it’s all about the approach.  Come up with a game plan and go for it!  You won’t fail until to stop trying! 

Stay warm everyone! 

Yep!  It all hit me.  And I’m talking about at one time.  For the majority of my life, I walked the good church kid line.  I didn’t do anything that would bring shame to my family (at least not in public) and I followed the rules (most of the time).  I was the ideal child. 

I mean dang I was Michael’s right hand earth angel, or so I made myself believe that lie through high school.  And then I got to college.  FREEDOM!  I mean I had a BALL!  I lived LIFE, I tell you.  Or so I thought.  Then I ran head into Brickhouse.  Now Brick was like a crack heads nightmare.  It was our young adult program at church.  PLEASE believe that even as I was living life, I was still too scared not to go to church.  I wasn’t completely living the life they spoke about in church, but I was going and I truly thought that covered me….dummy!   But thanks to Brick re-infusing Jesus into my life and a crew of AMAZING friends, I got my life snatched! Even with that snatching I still was holding on to some bad habits, but I wasn’t ready to call them what they were.

Fast forward to a little over a year ago.  Things were going downhill and I couldn’t understand it because I was living for God.  And with that comes a perfect life, right!?!  WRONG!  You see what I missed was living for God meant having those imperfections and bad habits pointed out for treatment purposes.  I mean I began to see little blemishes in my perfect coating of emotional makeup.  That cracked foundation was no longer covering those pimples and acne scars of fear, bitterness, anger, and lack of vision.   I spewed out that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, without spot or blemish, and some parts of me began to believe my own hype because I was "good".  Little did I know that life was about to show me in a pressure cooker situation what I was hanging onto. 

Things got bad!  I was crying because I had to go to a job with a person I knew hated me.  And the bad part was I didn’t know why she hated me! And then, the worst, the job was gone!  And not a week after that “loss”, my grandfather was gone;  Just like he said, “I’m going to get out of here at 90”.  The last grandparent I had and held onto was gone.  It was like the last bit of air was sucked out of my body.  I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary!  I was living for God, still holding on to habits that others saw as normal.  I couldn’t understand why God was allowing me to get hit for doing things that everyone else was doing!  And then it hit me….I needed to change!  I’m not like everybody else!  I’m being held to a standard that some will never experience, and while it can be difficult from time to time, I understood that some changes had to be made. 

After months of anger because I didn’t understand how this was happening to me, a light bulb came on!  This wasn't happening to me, it was happening for me.  These moments of what I viewed as weakness allowed me for the first time in my life to be vulnerable, true, and honest about how I was and my feelings.  This was my opportunity to open up my bag of bad habits and dump them.  It wasn’t an overnight process.  I dumped them little by little, and still from time to time I find another habit to dump.   I walk to my designated dumping ground to meet with the Master Repurposer who takes my trash and creates a treasure.  He’s yet to fail me, and I’m so glad that the year that others deemed a tragedy lead me to the joy that I currently feel.  So one of the lessons I’ve learned in the last year is that it’s better to hand off bad habits for joy, peace, and a life of fulfillment.  Drop those bad habits and pick up the life He has purposed for you to lead!

       So you can only imagine my life as I began to hear more and more reasons from young girls (13-18 years old) as to why they COULDN’T pursue and obtain the dreams they had so intently crafted. 
     After speaking to one student, the power of our own personal thoughts and feelings became abundantly clear.  How many times have you heard someone crush a person’s dream?  And how many times have you thought to yourself “why did they say that!?!”  When thinking about this latest situation, and that of my own experiences, I realized there are times that people speak negatively of your dreams because it is not something they feel THEY would be able to accomplish.  They are so trapped in their old mindset of the norms of society, that a little boy saying “I want to be a principal dancer in the American Ballet Company” seems farfetched.   Truly I want you to think about the last time you had a brilliant dream.  If you encountered a discouraging soul, did you ever stop to look at their confidence level in their own ability?  Probably not! 

     We are so conditioned to become easily offended by others opinions.  What they speak to us is not the voice of God speaking a permanent path in our lives; it is an opinion!  Many times big dreams are recognized as big because we have no point of reference to show us that it can be done. For some, if there is no point of reference, then the dream, no matter how fit for you it may be, cannot be achieved in their minds.  But these small, negative thoughts are meant to be destroyed!  The person’s minuscule view of themselves must be altered, and in some cases eradicated completely!  So the next time you hear that stinking thinking replace it with positive thoughts and plans to achieve your big ideal.  You can do this!  You can do anything you plan and put work towards.  Sometimes, to achieve your goals, you just need to destroy small thoughts!

If nothing else this year, I am thankful that I learned the importance of saying “I love you” and being honest about how you feel.  This could have been a destructive year.  Things could have been worse, but I’m beyond grateful that it turned out to be a year of amazing lessons. 

Learning to say “I love you” was a big one.  After being released from my position last year, I decided to go home and hang with my family for a while.  I hadn’t been back to The View (Longview) in a minute for any extended period of time.  It gave me time to slow down, breathe, and re-evaluate a lot.  While I was there, I got to spend two amazing days with my Grandfather.  Now pawpaw is the initial spoiler in my life.  I’m the baby girl on that side of the family and, short of burning a building down, I can get away with just about anything.  I remember getting in trouble when I was little, and if Pawpaw was around, I could run to his lap and KNOW that I was protected from a punishment (if even only for my visit…my momma and dad forget NOTHING I tell you!

Anywhoo, a few years ago pawpaw began to deal with the signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’s.  One of the hardest days for me is the first time I walked into the room and realized he had no clue who I was.  He could remember everyone else, but just could not place me in the family.  My heart was broken.  I mean I am the most amazing grandchild after all…. if even in my own mind (KIDDING brudda and cousins!) LOL.  So for months I grappled with whether I should go and see him.  I did many times, even though it was a painful process.  One day I stepped outside of myself, and I thought “if this is hurting me, how angry and frustrated does he have to be not to be able to remember this person that everyone is INSISTING that he knows.” 

With that memory, years later, I walked into his room the first day.  He was NOT happy.  I don’t know what they did to him, but he was upset.  I got him calmed down and he let me hug and kiss on him, which was huge! Now you have to know, one of my biggest, longest, hardest prayers is that God would let him be alert and aware of me if I was every there when he neared the end of his life.  I prayed for this harder than anything EVER, and my friends joined me in this prayer request.  In any case, the first day I just talked to him and he seemed to be alert and understand.  I was ELATED!  It had been years since I had spoken to him and he was there, like truly there with me!  So the next day I went back and spent some time with him.  My dad was in the room with me, as usual, and we realized we had to head out.  As my dad walk towards the door, I sat on the bed, looked my grandfather in his eyes, grabbed his hands and said “Pawpaw, you know I love you!?!” 

The next thing he did was something I will cherish forever.  He said in the clearest I’ve heard him, again in years, “Well Sure!”  Those two words stopped my dad in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes.  I choked the tears down, as to not make him cry, kissed and hugged him, and left the room. 

Little did I know it would be the last conversation I would have with one of my greatest earthly protectors (I have several…LOL).  I loved him and still love him a year after his departure.  It was two days after I had that last conversation that pawpaw went to hang with the love of his life….JESUS!  (This man would stop you in Brookshire’s to tell you about JESUS in the middle of the aisle!  Just blocking everybody!)  My biggest lesson, you ask?  Let those around you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you love them!  Go after your dreams today, because none of us knows what tomorrow holds.  And finally, there is nothing better than living a life without regret!  Each thing you try brings a lesson, and lessons make you stronger and more aware.  So the next time you get that feeling of “I need to call…..” call them!  Don’t wait because your voice and your love may be the very thing they need at that moment!

Listen, so I’m working right!?!  Minding my own business when Negative Nancy comes strolling in the door, and by the look on her face, my happy existence is about to come CRASHING DOWN!  She’s notorious for spreading gossip, killing dreams, and otherwise single handedly destroying people vibes!

Needless to say I prayed that she would just go away!  **DON’T JUDGE ME, LOL** Unfortunately, I had to bear my cross from time to time and listen to what she had to say.  In the middle of her conversation it dawned on me.  She only kills what I allow her to kill.  She could come in here day in and day out and I could ignore every nasty, negative, destructive word that comes out of her mouth.  I’m letting her kill my V.I.B.E.  As I sit and really analyze what she says, I’m coming to understand she’s not happy about her life.  How many times do we throw the light of condemnation and negativity onto others because we can’t handle the flaws in our own life?  Better they be in the spotlight, right?  And even more so, how many times do we allow others negativity to skew our view of our own dreams? 

Now Nancy has me taking stock of my life.  With all of the wonderful and trying things going on in my life, why am I so susceptible to her commentary?  Sometimes we listen and conform to the thoughts, opinions, and fears of others while hashing out our own dreams.  In the case that we have a slight question of if we should be pursuing that particular dream, Negative Nancy finds an opening to the most wonderful playground EVER!  In other cases, she speaks death in the places that we are absolutely confidence!  We can walk into a room so sure in what we started pursuing, and by the time the conversation is over we are walking around scared and second guessing the very thing we know we are purposed to do! 

So to Nancy, and all the others like her in the world, I say… DON’T KILL MY V.I.B.E.!  Now you may ask “what exactly is your V.I.B.E.?”  Well I’ll be happy to elaborate.   I’m a Vibrant and Intellectual young woman that is beyond Blessed to have the Existence that I am currently enjoying!  I’ve not reached every goal that I’m going after, but I’m working towards them!  As I am, so are you!  You have too much life and knowledge to allow someone the opportunity to make you question yourself!  You are blessed and are here on this earth to effect change!  So what are you waiting on!?! Stop allowing the Negative Nancy’s of the world to throw dirt on your dream, or shade your sun!  You’ve got too much to achieve to allow the simple words of another person to drag your dream into the ground.  Stand up, dust the dirt off yourself and your dream, and get moving!  Someone is waiting on you to be an example.  Another person is waiting on your dream to help them achieve their dreams.

The next time you run in to Negative Nancy, hug her/him, find the silver lining in the situation, and keep pushing through with the positive V.I.B.E. you walked in with!  And if that doesn't work blow them a kiss and scream "Don't Kill My V.I.B.E.!" 

"How long?"
"Not long?"

If you've ever grown up in the country, you've heard this statement.  I heard it many times, just as my dad or my cousins decided they were going to take me out in a game of dominoes!  SMH...  they showed NO MERCY! 

Anywhoo!  I learned quickly that while playing with these guys, time was of the essence.  As I've gotten older, I've learned that time is even MORE precious and a valuable commodity that once lost can not be restored.  So what happens when you find yourself in the following situation:

So you met person A and they seemed to be amazing.  You felt like it could be something great, only to find out they have baggage.  Now I hear you already, "everyone has baggage from their past!"  That's true, HOWEVER, this person had current/present baggage they chose not to release.  Although they were wonderful in every aspect, this baggage gravely effects the way you all communicated and related.  So the question comes to mind, "How long?  How long do you wait on this wonderful person to release this current baggage with someone else, and move forward with you?"  This is a difficult question, and before you get on your soapbox, please know that just "leaving the relationship alone" is a difficult notion.  Let's be realistic.  You have probably invested time, money, and energy in this person, as well as invited them into your circle of friends, and depending on the level of intimacy, your family.   How exactly do you just let that go? 

I found myself on the listening end of this question and I quickly gave the answer of "leave them" before I truly thought about the mindset of the person on the other end of the line.  There are emotions and feelings tied into some of these relationships depending on the time and ties built.  So when advising a person on an issue such as this, how long should a person stand in the wings of the stage waiting for the leading lady/man in their life to decide they are ready to take the stage?  After working as a stage manager one thing I know is that timing is EVERYTHING.  One missed cue can collapse a show.  So with that I return to my initial question....

"How long?"

Well the answer to that age old question truly depends, or does it? 
I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts, questions, and advice on it all! 

"We can go shorter."  I said to her. 
"Okay."  She replied. 

The she I'm referring to is my absolutely wonderful new stylist, Candace!  Little did she know she had become a part of a major turning point in my life.  For YEARS  I've had long hair.  For years I've wanted to cut it.  However, the first time I cut it I learned about the idol hair had become in some communities.  I mean I was almost stoned! Other times I went to stylists that flat out refused to cut it because it was "so long".  While I can laugh about it now, then it began a process in my head that constructed the thought that my hair was what made me beautiful.  The longer it was, the more beautiful I was.  I've been told that cutting your hair is equivalent to any of the bigger sins of the world.  (No I'm not kidding, someone really referred to the bible! LOL)   I mean people foam at the mouth, comment even when you didn't ask their opinion, and scream about how if they had your hair what they would do with it. 

Sadly a little over a year ago I realized I was wearing this hair on my head and it was damaged.  I was willing to hold on to brittle, breaking, unhealthy length to maintain this irrational standard of what beauty should be.  For years I wore this long hair on my head, and what no one seemed to realize is that it was tightening around my neck like a noose.  I allowed the words, thoughts, and perceptions of others to tie me up.  I at one point, longing for a change, decided to wear my hair in its natural curl and was assaulted with insults and disapproving looks.  So Saturday, when I sat down in that chair, I went in with the sole purpose of physically cutting something off that spiritually had me weighed down.  So I cut it.  I didn't make a big spectacle of the occasion.  I went in quietly, asked Candace to, inadvertently, cut the noose from my neck.

"We'll start with a longer cut."  she said.
"Ok", I replied.

**SNIP** The first cut was....invigorating.  Freeing.  I never knew how much I was holding onto. 

**SNIP**
Each cut restored a piece of me.  Who knew taking a bit off the top of my head would restore so much on the inside.  With every cut I was able to rid myself of the ridiculous perception that who I am and my beauty is wrapped in the aesthetics of my hair (and with that other physical features).  While my physical attributes come together to function as a home that my beautiful soul resides, they are not all I amount to.  I'm learning my strength, the joy within, and the place I have in the purpose of this world.  I'm embracing every growth spurt, change, and challenge.  I've gone years without proper growth, years without expressing myself for fear of disappointing people around me (based on their perceptions of me), and walking on eggs shells.  Saturday I began to walk out who God  purely intended for me to be.  Not what other perceive me to be or expect me to be.  I'm so thankful to have this fresh outlook and a renewed mind to walk into all that lies in my future!  So to you I say, you are whatever God has placed in you to be.  If you know that you are not walking that out TODAY, you can shake off the perceptions and expectations of others and move forward.  Do not apologize, ask another person their opinion, or walk into your future fearing what will come!  Today, make a conscious effort to take a little of that bad, dead, unhealthy stuff off the top so that you are able to move unshackled and free into YOUR future.

Love and Blessings to All!