Yep!  It all hit me.  And I’m talking about at one time.  For the majority of my life, I walked the good church kid line.  I didn’t do anything that would bring shame to my family (at least not in public) and I followed the rules (most of the time).  I was the ideal child. 

I mean dang I was Michael’s right hand earth angel, or so I made myself believe that lie through high school.  And then I got to college.  FREEDOM!  I mean I had a BALL!  I lived LIFE, I tell you.  Or so I thought.  Then I ran head into Brickhouse.  Now Brick was like a crack heads nightmare.  It was our young adult program at church.  PLEASE believe that even as I was living life, I was still too scared not to go to church.  I wasn’t completely living the life they spoke about in church, but I was going and I truly thought that covered me….dummy!   But thanks to Brick re-infusing Jesus into my life and a crew of AMAZING friends, I got my life snatched! Even with that snatching I still was holding on to some bad habits, but I wasn’t ready to call them what they were.

Fast forward to a little over a year ago.  Things were going downhill and I couldn’t understand it because I was living for God.  And with that comes a perfect life, right!?!  WRONG!  You see what I missed was living for God meant having those imperfections and bad habits pointed out for treatment purposes.  I mean I began to see little blemishes in my perfect coating of emotional makeup.  That cracked foundation was no longer covering those pimples and acne scars of fear, bitterness, anger, and lack of vision.   I spewed out that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, without spot or blemish, and some parts of me began to believe my own hype because I was "good".  Little did I know that life was about to show me in a pressure cooker situation what I was hanging onto. 

Things got bad!  I was crying because I had to go to a job with a person I knew hated me.  And the bad part was I didn’t know why she hated me! And then, the worst, the job was gone!  And not a week after that “loss”, my grandfather was gone;  Just like he said, “I’m going to get out of here at 90”.  The last grandparent I had and held onto was gone.  It was like the last bit of air was sucked out of my body.  I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary!  I was living for God, still holding on to habits that others saw as normal.  I couldn’t understand why God was allowing me to get hit for doing things that everyone else was doing!  And then it hit me….I needed to change!  I’m not like everybody else!  I’m being held to a standard that some will never experience, and while it can be difficult from time to time, I understood that some changes had to be made. 

After months of anger because I didn’t understand how this was happening to me, a light bulb came on!  This wasn't happening to me, it was happening for me.  These moments of what I viewed as weakness allowed me for the first time in my life to be vulnerable, true, and honest about how I was and my feelings.  This was my opportunity to open up my bag of bad habits and dump them.  It wasn’t an overnight process.  I dumped them little by little, and still from time to time I find another habit to dump.   I walk to my designated dumping ground to meet with the Master Repurposer who takes my trash and creates a treasure.  He’s yet to fail me, and I’m so glad that the year that others deemed a tragedy lead me to the joy that I currently feel.  So one of the lessons I’ve learned in the last year is that it’s better to hand off bad habits for joy, peace, and a life of fulfillment.  Drop those bad habits and pick up the life He has purposed for you to lead!

"We can go shorter."  I said to her. 
"Okay."  She replied. 

The she I'm referring to is my absolutely wonderful new stylist, Candace!  Little did she know she had become a part of a major turning point in my life.  For YEARS  I've had long hair.  For years I've wanted to cut it.  However, the first time I cut it I learned about the idol hair had become in some communities.  I mean I was almost stoned! Other times I went to stylists that flat out refused to cut it because it was "so long".  While I can laugh about it now, then it began a process in my head that constructed the thought that my hair was what made me beautiful.  The longer it was, the more beautiful I was.  I've been told that cutting your hair is equivalent to any of the bigger sins of the world.  (No I'm not kidding, someone really referred to the bible! LOL)   I mean people foam at the mouth, comment even when you didn't ask their opinion, and scream about how if they had your hair what they would do with it. 

Sadly a little over a year ago I realized I was wearing this hair on my head and it was damaged.  I was willing to hold on to brittle, breaking, unhealthy length to maintain this irrational standard of what beauty should be.  For years I wore this long hair on my head, and what no one seemed to realize is that it was tightening around my neck like a noose.  I allowed the words, thoughts, and perceptions of others to tie me up.  I at one point, longing for a change, decided to wear my hair in its natural curl and was assaulted with insults and disapproving looks.  So Saturday, when I sat down in that chair, I went in with the sole purpose of physically cutting something off that spiritually had me weighed down.  So I cut it.  I didn't make a big spectacle of the occasion.  I went in quietly, asked Candace to, inadvertently, cut the noose from my neck.

"We'll start with a longer cut."  she said.
"Ok", I replied.

**SNIP** The first cut was....invigorating.  Freeing.  I never knew how much I was holding onto. 

**SNIP**
Each cut restored a piece of me.  Who knew taking a bit off the top of my head would restore so much on the inside.  With every cut I was able to rid myself of the ridiculous perception that who I am and my beauty is wrapped in the aesthetics of my hair (and with that other physical features).  While my physical attributes come together to function as a home that my beautiful soul resides, they are not all I amount to.  I'm learning my strength, the joy within, and the place I have in the purpose of this world.  I'm embracing every growth spurt, change, and challenge.  I've gone years without proper growth, years without expressing myself for fear of disappointing people around me (based on their perceptions of me), and walking on eggs shells.  Saturday I began to walk out who God  purely intended for me to be.  Not what other perceive me to be or expect me to be.  I'm so thankful to have this fresh outlook and a renewed mind to walk into all that lies in my future!  So to you I say, you are whatever God has placed in you to be.  If you know that you are not walking that out TODAY, you can shake off the perceptions and expectations of others and move forward.  Do not apologize, ask another person their opinion, or walk into your future fearing what will come!  Today, make a conscious effort to take a little of that bad, dead, unhealthy stuff off the top so that you are able to move unshackled and free into YOUR future.

Love and Blessings to All!