Yep! It all hit me. And I’m talking about at one time. For the majority of my life, I walked the good church kid line. I didn’t do anything that would bring shame to my family (at least not in public) and I followed the rules (most of the time). I was the ideal child.
I mean dang I was Michael’s right hand earth angel, or so I made myself believe that lie through high school. And then I got to college. FREEDOM! I mean I had a BALL! I lived LIFE, I tell you. Or so I thought. Then I ran head into Brickhouse. Now Brick was like a crack heads nightmare. It was our young adult program at church. PLEASE believe that even as I was living life, I was still too scared not to go to church. I wasn’t completely living the life they spoke about in church, but I was going and I truly thought that covered me….dummy! But thanks to Brick re-infusing Jesus into my life and a crew of AMAZING friends, I got my life snatched! Even with that snatching I still was holding on to some bad habits, but I wasn’t ready to call them what they were.
Fast forward to a little over a year ago. Things were going downhill and I couldn’t understand it because I was living for God. And with that comes a perfect life, right!?! WRONG! You see what I missed was living for God meant having those imperfections and bad habits pointed out for treatment purposes. I mean I began to see little blemishes in my perfect coating of emotional makeup. That cracked foundation was no longer covering those pimples and acne scars of fear, bitterness, anger, and lack of vision. I spewed out that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, without spot or blemish, and some parts of me began to believe my own hype because I was "good". Little did I know that life was about to show me in a pressure cooker situation what I was hanging onto.
Things got bad! I was crying because I had to go to a job with a person I knew hated me. And the bad part was I didn’t know why she hated me! And then, the worst, the job was gone! And not a week after that “loss”, my grandfather was gone; Just like he said, “I’m going to get out of here at 90”. The last grandparent I had and held onto was gone. It was like the last bit of air was sucked out of my body. I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary! I was living for God, still holding on to habits that others saw as normal. I couldn’t understand why God was allowing me to get hit for doing things that everyone else was doing! And then it hit me….I needed to change! I’m not like everybody else! I’m being held to a standard that some will never experience, and while it can be difficult from time to time, I understood that some changes had to be made.
After months of anger because I didn’t understand how this was happening to me, a light bulb came on! This wasn't happening to me, it was happening for me. These moments of what I viewed as weakness allowed me for the first time in my life to be vulnerable, true, and honest about how I was and my feelings. This was my opportunity to open up my bag of bad habits and dump them. It wasn’t an overnight process. I dumped them little by little, and still from time to time I find another habit to dump. I walk to my designated dumping ground to meet with the Master Repurposer who takes my trash and creates a treasure. He’s yet to fail me, and I’m so glad that the year that others deemed a tragedy lead me to the joy that I currently feel. So one of the lessons I’ve learned in the last year is that it’s better to hand off bad habits for joy, peace, and a life of fulfillment. Drop those bad habits and pick up the life He has purposed for you to lead!
Fast forward to a little over a year ago. Things were going downhill and I couldn’t understand it because I was living for God. And with that comes a perfect life, right!?! WRONG! You see what I missed was living for God meant having those imperfections and bad habits pointed out for treatment purposes. I mean I began to see little blemishes in my perfect coating of emotional makeup. That cracked foundation was no longer covering those pimples and acne scars of fear, bitterness, anger, and lack of vision. I spewed out that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, without spot or blemish, and some parts of me began to believe my own hype because I was "good". Little did I know that life was about to show me in a pressure cooker situation what I was hanging onto.
Things got bad! I was crying because I had to go to a job with a person I knew hated me. And the bad part was I didn’t know why she hated me! And then, the worst, the job was gone! And not a week after that “loss”, my grandfather was gone; Just like he said, “I’m going to get out of here at 90”. The last grandparent I had and held onto was gone. It was like the last bit of air was sucked out of my body. I wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary! I was living for God, still holding on to habits that others saw as normal. I couldn’t understand why God was allowing me to get hit for doing things that everyone else was doing! And then it hit me….I needed to change! I’m not like everybody else! I’m being held to a standard that some will never experience, and while it can be difficult from time to time, I understood that some changes had to be made.
After months of anger because I didn’t understand how this was happening to me, a light bulb came on! This wasn't happening to me, it was happening for me. These moments of what I viewed as weakness allowed me for the first time in my life to be vulnerable, true, and honest about how I was and my feelings. This was my opportunity to open up my bag of bad habits and dump them. It wasn’t an overnight process. I dumped them little by little, and still from time to time I find another habit to dump. I walk to my designated dumping ground to meet with the Master Repurposer who takes my trash and creates a treasure. He’s yet to fail me, and I’m so glad that the year that others deemed a tragedy lead me to the joy that I currently feel. So one of the lessons I’ve learned in the last year is that it’s better to hand off bad habits for joy, peace, and a life of fulfillment. Drop those bad habits and pick up the life He has purposed for you to lead!
RSS Feed