Topic:   In an age where electronics are everywhere and the need to be stimulated has seemingly increased, has this hurt our kids? If yes, how so and what do you think are some effective ways to repair the damage if any?



Recently, I ran across an article online  written about a dinner game called the cell phone stack game.  The point of the game is for everyone to stack their cell phone in the middle of the dinner table as they sit down.  You are not allowed to reach for your phone during dinner.  The person that does reach for their phone (before the check is taken care of) then has to pay for dinner for the entire table.  The goal of the game is to force people to put their cell phones down.   Now honestly, I thought this was the most ridiculous game EVER, until I paid attention to myself and a group of my girl friends while at a party.  We sat in a room together, talked and ate for HOURS, but there was no point and time where one of us didn't have a phone in our hands.  And then it dawned on me, our phones have taken over our lives.  The bad habit of allowing the world to have access to our time, all the time, has created some new issues, not only in the lives of our children, but in our own as well.

    So how do we correct the issues that have risen out of the joy of unending connectivity?  Well here are a few things:

1) Do as you say. It is amazing how much we tell children to "get off of the phone (or Facebook) and be productive (or go outside and play)", but how many times are we getting off of the phone or internet to be productive?  9 times out of 10, NEVER.  We are on the phones in the car, checking email walking to the building, and checking Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram in the grocery store.  Children learn by example.  If they constantly see you on the phone, what do you think they will perceive as normal!?!  Do as you say and they will follow.

2) Take the time out to set boundaries for technology use.  Give yourself and your family the gift and a technology free dinner.  Now you may have to remind your family, or yourself, that you will not perish during the hour and a half of dinner.  The world will continue to rotate on its axis, and issues that come up, can wait.  This is not just about the outside world.  Times, like family dinners and car rides, are when children learn how to properly communicate with others.  As a parent, you are their primary educator on life skills.  If they only see you  on the phone from the time you wake up until bedtime, then that is exactly what they will mimic.  You must take the time to set boundaries on when it is appropriate, or not, to use technology. 

3) Find activities both adults and children can enjoy . So many times children refuse to go play or participate in activities because they are uninterested.  Take some time to talk to your child.  Find out what they are interested in.  EXPOSE THEM TO LIFE and all of the beautiful sights, sounds, and cultures living around us.  Getting kids involved with things they love allows them to open up and grow, while also allowing them the opportunity to meet other children (and you, other parents) in which you all have something in common. 

5) Let's get real!  The reality is that we (adults) defend the use of chidren's cell phone many times because we don't want to be judged for our own constant usage or for using technology as a distraction while we attend to other life duties.  Things come up, and iPads are a great distraction for children, but there must be a time where you PUT THE PHONE (or tablet)  DOWN!  That emergency you HAVE to take, will either be there when you get done with dinner or an outing, OR the adult at the other end of the line will FIGURE IT OUT!  Seriously, how many times have you accidentally left your phone at home and when you returned to retrieve it found 3 messages:  1) shear panic over an issue, 2) the "why aren't you answering" message, 3) the "No worries, we figured it out" message.  You are NOT the savior of the universe.  When forced to, people will resolve issues whether you are available or not.  Its all about balance.


    In the end, lets not only talk about the effects of technology on children, and look at all of our lives honestly.  We have all become dependent on technology.  It's always at our reach and the moment it is not we all have a panic attack (yes me included).  Take a moment away to rest, refresh, and just hang out with people in person.  Face to face conversations boost our creativity and allow us to release emotionally.  Spending time with children and showing them the proper time and place for technology will begin to help mend the gap we have created.  What are some things you can do to step away from technology for a while?  How have you tamed the use of your technology in the past?  As always, I want to hear from you.  Comment, like, and share below :)  

Topic/Question:  Why do we not talk about the sin of homosexuality in church anymore?


OHHHHH I've been waiting on this question!  Now for those of you that already have your jaws clinched and your stomachs in knots, I just need you to

    So before we broach the topic of why  we avoid talking about homosexuality in church, can we first ask the question, do you want to talk or preach/condemn?  Now that may seem like an odd question, but think about it from where I'm standing.  I work with students that are able to have an intelligent conversation about politics, school, social issues, and their futures.  If I invite them to talk about a topic, I am giving them space to voice their opinions (whether I agree or not) and have a conversation about the topic from the social implications to the biblical implications.  Never in that conversation would I begin to monopolize the conversation to push my opinion onto them.  I give them the biblical principles I have learn, encourage them to read it for themselves, and gain an understanding.  After that, they know I am always there to talk.  With that in mind, I also will not allow someone to push their agenda while talking to me.  If we are going to talk, let's talk.  Meaning, we need to both listen and respond appropriately and make sure that there is a clear message being transmitted. 

    Now, one issue I believe we face in today's church is that we talk about so many things that are comfortable, and that will not cause a stir or start a debate.  I think the fear is that some don't want to be classified as zealots, bigots, or homophobic radicals.  I have seen, and been a part of conversations, that went from friendly to deadly, when homosexuality was introduced as a topic.  One person, in particular, classified me as a "manipulative holy roller", which was interesting because I was only asking questions to understand their viewpoint in the conversation.  I've also gotten that I'm too liberal by trying to understand another person's viewpoint on the topic.  What I found is that our society is based on an "I'm always right" principle, when in reality, my compass always comes back to my bible.  Even when I'm wrong, the bible is the mirror that shows me the reality of myself and my surroundings.

     I also think there are a group of people who truly don't know how to handle the conversation.  They are aware of their beliefs, but they are not willing or able to sit down and have a conversation about homosexuality or any other topic that have been classified as sin.    The uncomfortable nature of the topic sends them into a tailspin of silence.  It makes me wonder if the opportunity was given to have an open and honest conversation, without judgement, if they would be able to do so. 

    What I have learned by reading my bible is that your approach is everything!  The example I love of Jesus approaching someone that he determined was living in sin is the woman at the well.  He didn't approach her throwing stones.  He sat at the well with her and had a conversation.  In the course of the conversation, she voice her reality "I don't have a husband", and he in loving kindness let her know that she was right.  He listed how many she had prior to the one she was with (that wasn't her husband), but NEVER have I read that in a yelling, angry, or demeaning manner.  He stated facts, and moved on.  His love, honesty, and willingness to talk to her (even though the law said he shouldn't) drew her in and allowed him to minister.

    With that in mind, I'll end with this.  As believers, we are instructed to love others as we would love ourselves.  When we approach topics like homosexuality in the church, I begin to wonder "do you even like/love yourself?"  The manner in which you approach others should mimic the manner in which you would like to be approached.  I don't feel we think about that often enough before addressing each other.  How many positive, life changing conversations could we have if we approached each other the way we would like to be approached?  How much more could we say and demonstrate God's love for all if we just followed the command which is to love.  You won't slap someone in the face that you love because you disagree, but you will correct them and give them appropriate information...why?  BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM.   So why do you all think we don't talk about homosexuality in the church?  More importantly, why is this a conversation that must remain in the confines of the church?  Can I talk about it over lunch at Subway with a friend that may hold a different opinion than my own?  Let me hear from you!

Question: How do you push through storms and rain in life?
    So one night I decided to head to my parents house, which is about two and a half hours from my own home.  I just felt like seeing them, so I packed up and off I went.  The drive was going great until about half way through the commute.  I hit a storm so heavy that I considered pulling over at a gas station and waiting it out.  I'm talking about heavy rain and high winds, but before I made the decision to stop and wait I checked my radar.  What I suspected was the storm was moving in the same direction I was, and if I stopped I would meet it again on down the road.  At some point I was going to have to go through it. 

    To get through the storm, you must first realize you are going through a storm.  Storms have time constraints on them.  They never last forever.  With that in mind, it's great you've realized you're in a storm because there are people that can't even do that. They feel as if this is their life, and things will never change.   Now you have to focus on creating a game plan to get through it, while also learning and growing from it.  Sometimes, in rain, you have to pull over, take a look at your surroundings, and figure out a plan on how to make it through.  Focusing on the negatives of the trial, like the strength of the winds,  won't help you conquer the storms of life.  So begin to look at how it can make you stronger and better.  And then focus on working through it. 

    You must keep in mind that we all face storms and rain in our lives.  No one is exempt!  Sometimes we are able to face it with people, but other times its a road we are traveling alone.  Storms can be frightening and unpredictable, but the reality is you have a guide, kind of like my radar, to tell you how to navigate through even the toughest of storms.  Through life's storms I've found myself praying harder than I've ever prayed before.  With prayer I have received direction, guidance, and peace from the most random of places.  I mean hugs from little kids to wisdom from random people just sitting next to me in a restaurant.  You have access to the Master of the ship, so why not take advantage of your proximity to the person guiding the ship.  You have a radar to get you through the storm. Now use it!

    Finally, don't forget the fact you aren't in this alone.  Isolation always seems to make your situation seem more painful and unbearable.  Sometimes things seem more difficult to conquer when the issue is just floating around in your head.  I've found it to be helpful when I can talk it out with my parents, family, friends, or even a counselor.  The issue becomes so much easier to handle when it is outside of the confines of my mind.  And many times those around me can give me a different outlook on the storm.  With a simple change in perspective and the ability to vent my frustrations, I am free to then come up with a game plan. 

    As I  reviewed of my radar it showed me that one way or another I had to find my way through the storm.  It was indeed moving in the same direction I was.  I had to cross through it at some point, and no time seemed better than the present.  And when I arrived at my parents home, that slow journey through the storm was worth it! Not only did I arrive to receive love, hugs, and tons of food (lol), but I arrived stronger because then I was aware that if I needed to, I could drive through heavy storms.  You've got what it takes to travel through the storm!  Just keep moving!

Question:  How does one deal with  the same type of characteristics, in different people, that irk you?  In other words, same book, different cover.



This is a question for the ages.  Dealing with the same irritating characteristics in different people in life is like waking up on Christmas morning all excited to unwrap your gifts! You grab your gift, unwrap it, only to seeee......a repeat of the same sweater you already own in 12 colors!  YUP, the one you JUST SAID you didn't want or need any more.  We walk into new relationships, whether social or business, with great expectations, only to realize one person on the team is crazy re-gifted.  What I mean by crazy re-gifted is a personality trait or group of traits you have seen (and despised) before is now being  presented to you again in the form of a new person.  Same crazy, different person.   It is inevitable;  you will at some point run into several people throughout your lifetime with characteristics which drive you up a WALL!  The ones who when they start talking you scream in your head:

  

    (If for some reason you are thinking "I don't know anyone like that", it may be you.  Consider me a friend reminding you to do a self check.  No mirror, no friends...) 

    So what are you to do about it?  If this seems to be a theme in your life,  here are a few things that may help you adjust to crazy re-gifted:

    1) Understand behind every crazy person (severe or minimal) is a story.  Sometimes people are either screaming to let the story out or they are fighting to keep it in.  Find out which, but in the end just show yourself friendly.  They may accept it, they may not, but at least you can say in each situation you attempted to be kind.

    2) Take a look at the man/woman in the mirror.  Is there something about you that draws the crazy?  Is there a reason people you deem as crazy keep coming to you?  Are you here for such a time as this to deal with the crazy in a way that only you can?   Are these people really crazy, or are you nitpicking?  Stop looking at people as an issue to deal with and start focusing on them as person with issues to understand. I'm just saying, you may be the one person in the world that can help them.  

    3) **Singing**  Try, try, tr, try a little tenderness!   For some people, those frustrating things they do or say are defense mechanisms.  So the trick is to diffuse the defense mechanism by making them feel welcome in a space to be themselves (annoyances and all).  This may happen through conversations or outtings over time, but be patient.  They didn't become who they are over night, so they will not open up over night.  It takes TIME. 

    4) NONE OF US ARE PERFECT!  We all have our deficiencies and idiosyncrasies.  So with this in mind, treat people (even the re-gifted crazies) as you would want someone to treat you.  Who knows, you might be the first person that shows them the proper way to communicate or interact with people. 

    5) Talk to them about what makes you uncomfortable.  Sometimes people have NO CLUE they are annoying you.  If you don't say something (in a nice manner) how will they know?
**Sidenote:  Don't walk up to someone and say "you SUCK ANDDDDD you're ANNOYING".  That's never the proper way to have a conversation.  Just thought I'd clear that up in case the thought crossed your mind :)   Can you say INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION MUCH!?! **

    6) Finally (and maybe I should have put this first) look at yourself.  If a characteristic keeps popping up in different people and you are the common denominator, what is it you are to learn from your interactions with them?  Take each encounter as a lesson, whether in communication or actions, and grow from it.

    In the end we all have our own characteristics that irk others to DEATH!  Those differences can be the spice of life, if you know how to maneuver through the minefield.  Now with all of these uplifting notions, know there are some people who refuse to change and don't care about your feelings.  For them, I pray and move forward!  I learn what I need to learn from them, and about them, and I keep trudging forward.  My goal is not to change people, but to learn from them and grow.  Life would stink if we were all the same, however let's try our to bring our best and original gifts to the table and leave the crazy re-giftings (yeah I know that's not a word!) in the closet. 

Day 3 Topic: SHOES!!!!!!

    So, listen, I may have a SMALL love of shoes.  Kinda huge love.....Ok, it's massive!  No matter your mood, shoes tend to change the feel of your outfit, and in turn, your day!  Whether it be a slick pair of flats, a fly pair of sneakers, or and snazzy pair of stilettos, shoes just make life more interesting!  My friends and I are constantly checking out shoes and discussing deals we've gotten in different place!  There is NOTHING I don't like about shoes...well almost.  And yes, I said almost! 

    Over the years there is one shoe associated phrase I've heard stated to students and adults alike, and I DETEST IT!  The following statement makes my skin crawl, ears itch, and blood boil:

"You've got some big shoes to fill!"

    Now typically you hear this phrase from people who truly have no idea of who you are or what you are capable of doing.  It's meant to flatter the person that held the spot before you, but what I think people fail to realize is its a slap in the face to the person who's got next!  When I was little, I liked to go into my cousins room and watch her put on makeup, get dressed, and occasionally slip my foot in her uber cool shoes! (I've been a shoe junkie for as far back as I can remember!)  The problem is, she was years older and her shoes didn't fit my foot.  It caused issues as I began to try to move in them.  While she inspired me to be amazing at whatever I did, she never suggested I walk the same path she did.   She encouraged me to step out in my own stilettos and blaze a trail of greatness!  (Thanks D!)

    So you can only imagine after hearing that statement a while back, my stomach began to churn.  I immediately turned to my partner in crime and said, "I don't need to fill anyone's shoes, my Jimmy Choo's fit me perfectily!"  Now I'm SOOOOO grateful for my friends because they understand my statement came from my heart, which is focused on everyone being the best them they can be!  There is danger in forcing someone into shoes that aren't their own.  If a shoe is an improper fit you can:
 
1) Injure yourself!  A shoe that is too big will slip and cause your gait to change.  You can't walk as smoothly or as quickly as you need to in a shoe that is too big.  It's just dangerous.
2) If the shoe is too small you can cause major damage to your feet and alignment of your back!  The physical repercussions of an ill fitted shoes just aren't worth it!
3)  Your confidence will take a major blow when shoes don't fit.  You will second guess movements and decisions to do things because you are focused on how your feet feel in those shoes versus the impact of the task at hand. 

    STOP THE MADNESS!!!!  You don't need to fill a pair of shoes that don't fit you!  The world needs you at your best, in the shoes you rock so well...YOUR OWN!  Your shoes may have some scuffs, but I bet you those are reminders of the amazing work that you've done.  Shoes that don't come out of the box and that aren't seen, don't get scuffed.  Scuffs show that you have used those shoes, and those are the people I want around me!  Hey, if the shoe fits, stand up straight, gather every bit of confidence you have, and wear it proudly!  Know that NO ONE, and I do mean no one, can do what you can do because God created you just as you are, with an intent purpose in mind!  NOW, abandon the task of trying to fill your neighbors shoes, and take a walk in YOUR OWN shoes :) 

YOU'VE GOT NOW!

So if you haven’t already heard, I’ve decided to cover 30 topics in 30 days here on Transparency’s Stage.  WHY, you may ask?  Well for a couple of different reasons.  First, I need to become a more consistent in postings, and I think this will be the jump start I need.  Second, and MOST important, I’ve had a rough couple of months.  Between family illness, working two jobs, helping to close one of them down, and learning to do another by myself, my writing began to wane and die. 

While I’m thankful for all of the transitions happening in my life, I want to reach December 31, 2014 knowing that, without a shadow of a doubt, I pushed a significant part of the purpose I’ve been given out.  I want to make a positive, empowering, edifying impact of the world in which I live. 

Now with these writings you will get posts which are beyond serious current event topics, pop culture issues, the MOST random topics (my friends are amazing for the randomness), religion and spirituality, and personal life questions.  Feel free to leave me a topic at any time to write on.  As you send them I will continue to write them! At the end of the day, I hope these blogs encourage healthy and respectful conversations about issues that concern us all, and also infuse some humor (because I’m a closet jokester).  So sit back, get your reading glasses and beverage, and let’s have a conversation or 30!   I’m excited about this journey and appreciate you taking it with me.  Now to see where it takes us….  I hope you’re ready :)