Question: How does one deal with the same type of characteristics, in different people, that irk you? In other words, same book, different cover.
This is a question for the ages. Dealing with the same irritating characteristics in different people in life is like waking up on Christmas morning all excited to unwrap your gifts! You grab your gift, unwrap it, only to seeee......a repeat of the same sweater you already own in 12 colors! YUP, the one you JUST SAID you didn't want or need any more. We walk into new relationships, whether social or business, with great expectations, only to realize one person on the team is crazy re-gifted. What I mean by crazy re-gifted is a personality trait or group of traits you have seen (and despised) before is now being presented to you again in the form of a new person. Same crazy, different person. It is inevitable; you will at some point run into several people throughout your lifetime with characteristics which drive you up a WALL! The ones who when they start talking you scream in your head:
This is a question for the ages. Dealing with the same irritating characteristics in different people in life is like waking up on Christmas morning all excited to unwrap your gifts! You grab your gift, unwrap it, only to seeee......a repeat of the same sweater you already own in 12 colors! YUP, the one you JUST SAID you didn't want or need any more. We walk into new relationships, whether social or business, with great expectations, only to realize one person on the team is crazy re-gifted. What I mean by crazy re-gifted is a personality trait or group of traits you have seen (and despised) before is now being presented to you again in the form of a new person. Same crazy, different person. It is inevitable; you will at some point run into several people throughout your lifetime with characteristics which drive you up a WALL! The ones who when they start talking you scream in your head:
(If for some reason you are thinking "I don't know anyone like that", it may be you. Consider me a friend reminding you to do a self check. No mirror, no friends...)
So what are you to do about it? If this seems to be a theme in your life, here are a few things that may help you adjust to crazy re-gifted:
1) Understand behind every crazy person (severe or minimal) is a story. Sometimes people are either screaming to let the story out or they are fighting to keep it in. Find out which, but in the end just show yourself friendly. They may accept it, they may not, but at least you can say in each situation you attempted to be kind.
2) Take a look at the man/woman in the mirror. Is there something about you that draws the crazy? Is there a reason people you deem as crazy keep coming to you? Are you here for such a time as this to deal with the crazy in a way that only you can? Are these people really crazy, or are you nitpicking? Stop looking at people as an issue to deal with and start focusing on them as person with issues to understand. I'm just saying, you may be the one person in the world that can help them.
3) **Singing** Try, try, tr, try a little tenderness! For some people, those frustrating things they do or say are defense mechanisms. So the trick is to diffuse the defense mechanism by making them feel welcome in a space to be themselves (annoyances and all). This may happen through conversations or outtings over time, but be patient. They didn't become who they are over night, so they will not open up over night. It takes TIME.
So what are you to do about it? If this seems to be a theme in your life, here are a few things that may help you adjust to crazy re-gifted:
1) Understand behind every crazy person (severe or minimal) is a story. Sometimes people are either screaming to let the story out or they are fighting to keep it in. Find out which, but in the end just show yourself friendly. They may accept it, they may not, but at least you can say in each situation you attempted to be kind.
2) Take a look at the man/woman in the mirror. Is there something about you that draws the crazy? Is there a reason people you deem as crazy keep coming to you? Are you here for such a time as this to deal with the crazy in a way that only you can? Are these people really crazy, or are you nitpicking? Stop looking at people as an issue to deal with and start focusing on them as person with issues to understand. I'm just saying, you may be the one person in the world that can help them.
3) **Singing** Try, try, tr, try a little tenderness! For some people, those frustrating things they do or say are defense mechanisms. So the trick is to diffuse the defense mechanism by making them feel welcome in a space to be themselves (annoyances and all). This may happen through conversations or outtings over time, but be patient. They didn't become who they are over night, so they will not open up over night. It takes TIME.
4) NONE OF US ARE PERFECT! We all have our deficiencies and idiosyncrasies. So with this in mind, treat people (even the re-gifted crazies) as you would want someone to treat you. Who knows, you might be the first person that shows them the proper way to communicate or interact with people.
5) Talk to them about what makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes people have NO CLUE they are annoying you. If you don't say something (in a nice manner) how will they know?
**Sidenote: Don't walk up to someone and say "you SUCK ANDDDDD you're ANNOYING". That's never the proper way to have a conversation. Just thought I'd clear that up in case the thought crossed your mind :) Can you say INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION MUCH!?! **
6) Finally (and maybe I should have put this first) look at yourself. If a characteristic keeps popping up in different people and you are the common denominator, what is it you are to learn from your interactions with them? Take each encounter as a lesson, whether in communication or actions, and grow from it.
In the end we all have our own characteristics that irk others to DEATH! Those differences can be the spice of life, if you know how to maneuver through the minefield. Now with all of these uplifting notions, know there are some people who refuse to change and don't care about your feelings. For them, I pray and move forward! I learn what I need to learn from them, and about them, and I keep trudging forward. My goal is not to change people, but to learn from them and grow. Life would stink if we were all the same, however let's try our to bring our best and original gifts to the table and leave the crazy re-giftings (yeah I know that's not a word!) in the closet.
5) Talk to them about what makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes people have NO CLUE they are annoying you. If you don't say something (in a nice manner) how will they know?
**Sidenote: Don't walk up to someone and say "you SUCK ANDDDDD you're ANNOYING". That's never the proper way to have a conversation. Just thought I'd clear that up in case the thought crossed your mind :) Can you say INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION MUCH!?! **
6) Finally (and maybe I should have put this first) look at yourself. If a characteristic keeps popping up in different people and you are the common denominator, what is it you are to learn from your interactions with them? Take each encounter as a lesson, whether in communication or actions, and grow from it.
In the end we all have our own characteristics that irk others to DEATH! Those differences can be the spice of life, if you know how to maneuver through the minefield. Now with all of these uplifting notions, know there are some people who refuse to change and don't care about your feelings. For them, I pray and move forward! I learn what I need to learn from them, and about them, and I keep trudging forward. My goal is not to change people, but to learn from them and grow. Life would stink if we were all the same, however let's try our to bring our best and original gifts to the table and leave the crazy re-giftings (yeah I know that's not a word!) in the closet.
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