Recently, I spoke with my sister from another mister.  We have the most random conversations, however this one in particular had an exact direction to it.  We were speaking on relationships as a whole, when she stated a very intriguing thought:
"People always tell you how to create boundaries at the beginning of a friendship/relationship, but no on addresses how you set boundaries after you've crossed a line."  

In the words of my father, "well fan me with a brick!"  She was so right!  So what happens when you're getting to know someone and they cross a boundary you didn't even know you had?  Or vice versa?  I've thought about this since we've talked and while I don't claim to have an end all be all list, here are a few things you can do to set up a boundary after a line has been crossed. For my examples, I'll be using either my love for cotton candy or person A as an example!  (Don't judge me or the cotton candy!  And person A is no one in particular, so climb out of your feelings tree if something hits you.) 

First, you have to identify an issue to place a boundary around it.  A boundary, typically, is used to protect yourself, someone else, or a thing from hurt, harm, and danger.  If you can't tell me what you are protecting, how is setting a boundary going to work?  That would be the equivalent of me chaining my refrigerator shut while storing the cotton candy in the pantry.   An ill placed boundary does neither of you any good.

Second, if you are setting a boundary with Person A in mind, sit down and talk to A about what happened to cause this decision to come about, and what they can do to help you feel more comfortable.  You also need to explain the decision in a non-attacking manner.  The last thing you want to do is make someone else responsible for your convictions.  Be open and honest about who you are and the issue at hand. 

Third, if you know you are going to be temped to cross the boundary after you set it, FIND AND ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER who can act as a man (or woman) on the wall.  What's a man on the wall, you ask?  If you've ever seen the perimeter of a prison, you will always see one armed guard on the wall.  They are the last line of defense for someone trying to escape the prison walls.  Because of their objective view they can see everything and make a solid decision on what's the best course of action for those living on both sides of the wall.  FIND YOU A PERSON ON THE WALL!  They'll help you tremendously, if you let them! 

Fourth, stop putting yourself in situations which will cause you to fall over the boundaries you've set.  The reality is if you are drawn to whatever you are placing a boundary around, its easier for you to revert back to it out of pure comfort.  So why on EARTH would you put yourself in a position to make a decision to fight it.  You never win those battles, if you're honest with yourself.

Finally, be careful of the conversations you have, the things you are placing in your hearing, and the things you watch.  When you rehearse things in your speech, sight, and hearing they become actions and desires.  Let's take cotton candy again.  If I keep talking about it, see commercials or other people with it, the taste for it begins to formulate from memories of when I've had it previously.  Why?  Because I'm thinking and talking about it and my thoughts/words become actions and desires.  

Again, I know I've only brushed the surface of the reality of setting late boundaries, but let me hear from you.  What have you done to create boundaries after a situation has occurred?  Was your boundary successful in helping you avoid the situation occurring again?  Let me hear from you? And your friends, and your friends' friends!    

Have you ever had the feeling you are supposed to be doing more than your current situation dictates?  What's the first feeling after that question is posed in your overly imaginative brain?  

Well for me, it's fear.  Fear of the new possibilities and the unknown.  Fear of not being able to predict my action's success.  Many times we sit on perfectly effective gifts because we fear how they will be received.  We can be handed freedom in the most beautiful packaging and shy away from it because of our own insecurities.  

Recently, I decided to move forward on an idea near and dear to my heart.  However, before I was able to do so, I had dinner with a small group of my friends.  We take time out to come together every so often to catch up and encourage one another to keep moving forward.  During the course of the evening, I was reminded of one simple, yet HEAVY thing....

"Students [people] are waiting on you to do what's in your heart.  What's in your heart will in turn help them do what's in their heart!  They need you."

I HAD NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT IN THAT MANNER!  Seriously, I had done what many people do.  I was so wrapped in how I would look, how it would effect me if it wasn't a success, and I forgot the simple fact that God sends us to people when they need us most, with what they need most.  He has given us the freedom to go out and touch peoples live, while also allowing them to change our lives.  So what happened?  How did we get to this selfish mindset?  And how do we get back  to the focus? 

The freedom we have been gifted has conformed  into a prison of sorts, which is FARRRRR from it's purpose.  As a society, we focus on what makes us as an individual happy versus the joy, happiness, and peace of our neighbors.  So how to do we shut this selfish mindset down?

1) OPEN YOUR EYES and really look at the people around you.  Don't just brush past others, but really take the time to talk and check in on people.  It never fails that someone around you could use an encouraging word, a hug, or just someone to talk to.  One phone call can truly be the difference between life and death. 

2) Use your gift....and do so effectively!  Don't be concerned about how your actions will be received.  Do what you are supposed to do with a pure and humble heart and let the chips fall where they may.  Your responsibility is to give, not to manage how others receive what you give. 

3) FINALLY, be HAPPY!  With all you do, make sure it is accompanied with joy and happiness!  You are serving others!  In turn know as you give, all that you have given will be given unto you.  No seriously, it's scripture! 
Luke 6:37-38 states:

  37 “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”


IT'S BIBLE, and God doesn't lie.  It will be placed "into your lap", which means you'll never have to look for it.  It will find you!  With that in mind, make sure you are giving love, joy, peace, happiness, and an abundance of knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.  Help others realize while they may first fear the opportunity freedom presents, freedom is not another sort of prison.  It is an opportunity to learn, grow, and assist others out of their particular prison.  REMEMBER and REMIND OTHERS OFTEN, there is NO FEAR in FREEDOM! 

*You know I love hearing from you, so how are you walking in your freedom through fear?  How have you helped others through bouts of fear as they embrace their freedom?  

Recently I had the marvelous opportunity to embark upon a mission trip in New York.  During the trip we had the chance to partner with The Legacy Center of New York (http://tlcnyc.org/).  This group is inspiring change in a way that I have never seen before.  As Pastor Chris Durso said to us "ministry begins with hello"  and boy is that where they started.  After eating lunch, our group of 21 students and adult volunteers slipped into an unassuming office.  I had no clue that my life would be changed just by walking though those doors, and even more after working in Breezy Point.  We walk in and learned more about one of two wonderful ladies; Diana.  Diana stood before us and began telling us the journey she took to The Legacy Center.  After coming to The Legacy Center from corporate America she faced a dilemma that many of us face in our jobs daily.  Because the organizations funding source, she could not go into the communities they are helping to restore and spread the gospel! I've faced that very issue in secular and "religious" organizations.  When she asked God how she was going to share Him in a setting that was not permitted to bring Him up first under the funding they have, she said God directed her to the story of Zacchaeus.  Now for anyone that's grown up in church you know the song, "Zacchaeus was a wee little man..." :)  (Stop singing and get back to reading...LOL).
    Zacchaeus was a man that was short in stature and great in power.  He was a wealthy tax collector, which probably means he was great at his job.  That also means people were probably not big fans of his.  Anyways, Zacchaeus was intrigued by this guy named Jesus, so he did the strangest thing.  He CLIMBED A TREE TO SEE JESUS! (Seriously, read it!  Luke 19!)  Zacchaeus didn't want Jesus to do anything, he just wanted to get a glimpse of the man EVERYONE was talking about.  From that one action Zacchaeus drew the interest of Jesus.  In the end Jesus asked to visit Zacchaeus' home to stay for a bit, while others mocked Jesus for visiting the house of the "sinner". 
    Diana said after reading this story her question to God was "OK, what am I supposed to take from that?"  His reply was both simple and life changing....."BE THE TREE".  Let me tell you, that simple revelation BLEW MY MIND TO PIECES!  I tweeted it, call my parents, friends, and anyone else that would listen with it!  BE THE TREE!   All of a sudden the following scripture became so clear to me:  "And I, if I (Jesus) be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." (John 12:32).  God simply asks us to live a life that lifts him up, not just in word, but in action.  Are your day to day actions ones that are lifting Jesus into plain view?  Are you serving Him in a matter that makes someone want to climb a tree to get a glimpse of what you know?  If you would take this simple action and be the tree that acts as a bridge to Christ how many people around you would come to know Him as their savior, confidant, provider, and friend?  Take a minute to think:  Have you been a tree?  That fixed object that people can use as a bridge to Christ?  If so, how?

Take a minute to leave a comment below.  Who knows, your comment may be the bridge moment someone needs to become a tree for another person.  I know Diana was the tree for me, so I feel compelled to be that for others daily....just BE THE TREE (planted by the water)!