Growing up in church I was taught that “you should be the Proverbs 31 woman”. This woman is touted as the “perfect help meet”. During my formative years women of the church neglected to tell me that this chapter is knowledge passed down from a mother to her son as a guideline. For years I’ve been hung up on Proverbs 31, especially the 10th verse. It reads:
“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.” (NLT) Or for those of you that love the KJV:
“10Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”
Now the definition of precious is “of great value or high price; highly esteemed or cherished.” As I read over this chapter time and time again I wondered how one person could ever live up to the example she set. I mean this woman was a BEAST! Her business was in order at home as well as out in the community. Each time I read this chapter I became frustrated with the prospect of not measuring up. However tonight after reading that one verse the following question popped into my mind: What is the value of a ruby? I mean I need to know what the floor is so that I can understand how her value is far above that of a ruby. So I set out to do some research.
A ruby is a precious gemstone that ranges in color from pink to “blood red”. It is held as one of four precious stones. It is second to only the diamond. The ruby is ranked nine out of ten on the Mohs scale of mineral hardness, which measures the scratch resistance of the gem (or minerals in the gem). The diamond, again, is the only gem higher on the scale. The thing that I found interesting is that a natural ruby will have imperfections. These imperfections are used by gemologist to ensure that a ruby is naturally and not synthetically created. Some gemologists call these imperfections the gems “fingerprint”. Natural rubies may also contain needle inclusions called rutiles that give the stone a silk effect when under a light. Again it’s just another “fingerprint”. So the gem that the bible offers as the comparison has flaws!?! A couple of things became apparent to me.
1) The woman, as she is presented in Proverbs 31, has lived life. She has grown up, possibly making mistakes, learning from them, and building on the foundation of her youth. She has married and had children. She has gone through the process of life finding out what works for her and what doesn’t. She has learned to be trustworthy, responsible, and loyal. She has also realized at least a portion of the treasures that were placed in her by God. This woman was walking with purpose, not only for herself, but for her family! She had crafted a balance in her life. Finally it makes sense. The reason that this has been so frustrating all these years is because no one has every explained that the woman presented in Proverbs 31 is a product of her experiences and learning opportunities! You don’t wake up one morning with the ability to enrich your husbands life, spin your own material, take care of the families needs (both physical and emotional), and run a business. You do not gain wisdom and dignity over night. It takes time. Just as you can’t wake up one morning quoting scriptures that you have never read. You have to study the word of God continuously because it is a living, breathing work that continues to be relevant in every life situation.
I’ve started to notice over the last few months that the way I do things is beginning to change. I’ve stopped being EXTRA selfish in my thinking (yes I was selfish :o) ) and started to think about people that are coming into my life that might not be here just yet. The only way that I can be prepared for my husband and my family when they arrive is to begin the preparation, the process, now. I have to learn to balance my career, education, health, and home now so that when my family arrives I am aware of the ins and outs of balance.
2) I think we as women of God sometimes have a twisted thought process. We spend so much time trying to explain to people our value; or in some cases we spend too much time trying to promote ourselves to force everyone to see how valuable we are. Your value is in your experiences. So many times we think that only the people that have never gone through a thing are valuable in the kingdom. You can’t participate if you are coming out of a situation that is less than “holy” or “pure” (whatever that means)! My value has grown with each mistake and experience. I will be able to talk to my children open and honestly about the pitfalls of life because I have been there and God showed me love, grace, and mercy. In spite of all of my unnecessary foolishness, he continues to bless me with his grace and pull out the treasures he stored in me. In the end, we as women have to be who Christ has called us to be. Our goal should not be to become the Proverbs 31 woman, but to possess the characteristics that she has honed throughout her life experiences.
So now I get it! I can flow with the process of preparation knowing that my goal should be to walk out every treasure God placed in me and to be an example to those who come after me. Through the process of life the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman will be shaped, molded, and defined in us. So, the question is… will you be above the value of a precious (of great value or high price; highly esteemed or cherished) ruby, or just the rubbish you see in the world. Let’s stop trying to be the Proverbs 31 woman and be the BEST that God created us to be; holding those characteristics displayed in the Proverbs 31 woman.
“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.” (NLT) Or for those of you that love the KJV:
“10Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.”
Now the definition of precious is “of great value or high price; highly esteemed or cherished.” As I read over this chapter time and time again I wondered how one person could ever live up to the example she set. I mean this woman was a BEAST! Her business was in order at home as well as out in the community. Each time I read this chapter I became frustrated with the prospect of not measuring up. However tonight after reading that one verse the following question popped into my mind: What is the value of a ruby? I mean I need to know what the floor is so that I can understand how her value is far above that of a ruby. So I set out to do some research.
A ruby is a precious gemstone that ranges in color from pink to “blood red”. It is held as one of four precious stones. It is second to only the diamond. The ruby is ranked nine out of ten on the Mohs scale of mineral hardness, which measures the scratch resistance of the gem (or minerals in the gem). The diamond, again, is the only gem higher on the scale. The thing that I found interesting is that a natural ruby will have imperfections. These imperfections are used by gemologist to ensure that a ruby is naturally and not synthetically created. Some gemologists call these imperfections the gems “fingerprint”. Natural rubies may also contain needle inclusions called rutiles that give the stone a silk effect when under a light. Again it’s just another “fingerprint”. So the gem that the bible offers as the comparison has flaws!?! A couple of things became apparent to me.
1) The woman, as she is presented in Proverbs 31, has lived life. She has grown up, possibly making mistakes, learning from them, and building on the foundation of her youth. She has married and had children. She has gone through the process of life finding out what works for her and what doesn’t. She has learned to be trustworthy, responsible, and loyal. She has also realized at least a portion of the treasures that were placed in her by God. This woman was walking with purpose, not only for herself, but for her family! She had crafted a balance in her life. Finally it makes sense. The reason that this has been so frustrating all these years is because no one has every explained that the woman presented in Proverbs 31 is a product of her experiences and learning opportunities! You don’t wake up one morning with the ability to enrich your husbands life, spin your own material, take care of the families needs (both physical and emotional), and run a business. You do not gain wisdom and dignity over night. It takes time. Just as you can’t wake up one morning quoting scriptures that you have never read. You have to study the word of God continuously because it is a living, breathing work that continues to be relevant in every life situation.
I’ve started to notice over the last few months that the way I do things is beginning to change. I’ve stopped being EXTRA selfish in my thinking (yes I was selfish :o) ) and started to think about people that are coming into my life that might not be here just yet. The only way that I can be prepared for my husband and my family when they arrive is to begin the preparation, the process, now. I have to learn to balance my career, education, health, and home now so that when my family arrives I am aware of the ins and outs of balance.
2) I think we as women of God sometimes have a twisted thought process. We spend so much time trying to explain to people our value; or in some cases we spend too much time trying to promote ourselves to force everyone to see how valuable we are. Your value is in your experiences. So many times we think that only the people that have never gone through a thing are valuable in the kingdom. You can’t participate if you are coming out of a situation that is less than “holy” or “pure” (whatever that means)! My value has grown with each mistake and experience. I will be able to talk to my children open and honestly about the pitfalls of life because I have been there and God showed me love, grace, and mercy. In spite of all of my unnecessary foolishness, he continues to bless me with his grace and pull out the treasures he stored in me. In the end, we as women have to be who Christ has called us to be. Our goal should not be to become the Proverbs 31 woman, but to possess the characteristics that she has honed throughout her life experiences.
So now I get it! I can flow with the process of preparation knowing that my goal should be to walk out every treasure God placed in me and to be an example to those who come after me. Through the process of life the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman will be shaped, molded, and defined in us. So, the question is… will you be above the value of a precious (of great value or high price; highly esteemed or cherished) ruby, or just the rubbish you see in the world. Let’s stop trying to be the Proverbs 31 woman and be the BEST that God created us to be; holding those characteristics displayed in the Proverbs 31 woman.
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