As I entered into a full room of silent people, I turned to a specific person and ask "How would you like this to look?"
SILENCE. THE LOUDEST SILENCE.
I'm talking so much silence that those around us began to ask if the person heard me. I responded that they had and chose not to answer me. How do you know they heard you, you may ask? I've been able to read peoples non-verbals since forever. As a first born child, I learned that sometimes people tell you all you need to know with a small flinch of their face or a shift of the eyes.
SILENCE. THE LOUDEST SILENCE.
I'm talking so much silence that those around us began to ask if the person heard me. I responded that they had and chose not to answer me. How do you know they heard you, you may ask? I've been able to read peoples non-verbals since forever. As a first born child, I learned that sometimes people tell you all you need to know with a small flinch of their face or a shift of the eyes.
Now, what I find interesting is how intensely angry I now become at being ignored, especially when I am trying to help a person be their best. I had to take a step back and truly think about why this persons choice to selectively hear me made me so angry. As I sat in silence I realized even I had this problem as a teen and into my 20s. When I was done dealing with a difficult person, I just shut down. My silence was my way of letting you know when I had reached the end of my rope. What I found in my late 20s and now in my early 30s is selective communication is not only rude, but a dangerous slope to climb down. People will only deal with blatant disrespect of that measure for a limited amount of time. I've lost a great love, and a few friends from my choice to pick and chose when I would allow effective communications to occur. At some point, people realize or begin to feel you are only communicative when you need or want something (whether that is the case or not).
So, how do you irradiate selective communication in your life? I'm so glad you asked!
1) Open your mouth and speak your truth in love. We don't have to agree, but you do need to honestly speak and allow others to speak their minds. Knowledge comes in all ages, colors, genders, and stages so keep an open mind. Someone else's experiences may be your salvation from a poor decision. Give someone, that just might have knowledge you didn't know about, a chance.
2)Be willing to have a conversation! Please keep in mind that a conversation consist of two people who are willing to fulfill the roles of speaker, listener, while delivering and receiving a message. Not only do you need the ability to speak, but also to listen! If you find yourself consistently cutting a person off in a conversation, then you are not listening. You are formulating your response before hearing all your partner in conversation has to say. Your opinion is that, an opinion. You are entitled to it, but think about the point another person is making. Do NOT by any means silence or cut a person off because you don't agree. Understanding can not occur if communication is not occurring and effective.
3) Understand that people don't always agree! I mean really, that would be boring if we all thought the same! The point of a conversation with open communication is to grow! You may not like what a person has to say, but I bet you'll come out of the conversation with new thoughts!
Listen, if you choose to stay in the same place as others grow, more power to you! But if, as I suspect, you want to continue to grow and learn more about the world/people around you, shut that selective communicating down. Growth, empowerment, and great work come from open, honest, and effective communication. What are a few ways in which you're communication has been or is selective? How can you make it better?
So, how do you irradiate selective communication in your life? I'm so glad you asked!
1) Open your mouth and speak your truth in love. We don't have to agree, but you do need to honestly speak and allow others to speak their minds. Knowledge comes in all ages, colors, genders, and stages so keep an open mind. Someone else's experiences may be your salvation from a poor decision. Give someone, that just might have knowledge you didn't know about, a chance.
2)Be willing to have a conversation! Please keep in mind that a conversation consist of two people who are willing to fulfill the roles of speaker, listener, while delivering and receiving a message. Not only do you need the ability to speak, but also to listen! If you find yourself consistently cutting a person off in a conversation, then you are not listening. You are formulating your response before hearing all your partner in conversation has to say. Your opinion is that, an opinion. You are entitled to it, but think about the point another person is making. Do NOT by any means silence or cut a person off because you don't agree. Understanding can not occur if communication is not occurring and effective.
3) Understand that people don't always agree! I mean really, that would be boring if we all thought the same! The point of a conversation with open communication is to grow! You may not like what a person has to say, but I bet you'll come out of the conversation with new thoughts!
Listen, if you choose to stay in the same place as others grow, more power to you! But if, as I suspect, you want to continue to grow and learn more about the world/people around you, shut that selective communicating down. Growth, empowerment, and great work come from open, honest, and effective communication. What are a few ways in which you're communication has been or is selective? How can you make it better?
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